When A Loved One Is Lost

Written by: Ccep J. Dew, West Coast Editor

Whether to suicide, homicide or natural causes, losing a loved one is never easy. Even when prolonged sickness seems to afford you time to prepare for your loved one’s last breath, you never know how you will react until the moment it hits; furthermore, weeks, months, and years after he or she has been laid to rest, emotions may overtake you like a monsoon.

I lost my grandfather in late August 2009. Though he had been fighting for his life 15 years, none of us was prepared for his departure from our lives. The day I found out about his passing, I cried tears from an ever-replenishing source. I felt numbness, then pain, then numbness again. I laid in my husband’s arms like a defenseless child, then stood up before walking aimlessly around the front of the house, I started washing the dishes; not because they had to be cleaned that very moment, but because I didn’t know what else to do. I wanted to drink (something I do socially, if at all) or take a sleeping aide just to eXcape the tingling ache in my chest and stomach. I started to pop the strap of my tank top against my back, unconsciously attempting to swap emotional pain for physical. Eventually, I folded my hands together behind my back or underneath me. The pain was almost as unbearable as the guilt.

In these moments, we always tend to remind ourselves of what we should’ve, could’ve, would’ve done without thinking instead of all the beautiful memories we have created. The soul of the deceased is not looking down on us, blaming us for not calling, visiting, or doing enough, so why do we torment ourselves instead of playing back all the great times that were shared? Easier said than done, I know, but it helps.

When a loved one is lost, our natural instinct is to withdraw. Though alone time to grieve is okay, you need to continue in your active lifestyle. Prolonged periods of seclusion will only extend depression. Your loved one would want you to forge on! Get together with good, positive people who can respect and acknowledge your feelings while still bringing laughter and enjoyment to your day. Spend time with your family members, either in person or over the phone.

If you live out of town and would like to attend the funeral service, keep in mind that although some airlines offer “bereavement rates” for last minute flights, those rates are not always cheaper than the regular flights. If you do find an airline with a decent “bereavement rate”, you will need to know the name of the deceased, your relationship to the deceased, the name of the funeral home, and the address to the funeral home in order to receive the discount. As with any airline ticket, the longer you wait to purchase your ticket, the more the price of the ticket will increase. Try your best to do adequate research to ensure you are getting the best rate.