Outnumbered # 34 - By Christopher Brown

Beanpie - Volume 6 Episode 1: Putting it all together

Written by Shaun Bolden
Photography by Shaun Bolden

*Opening Scene: Beanpie is on his front porch holding the piece of cloth when Jamie (Tailgates homeboy) comes by.

Jamie: Is Tailgate home?
Beanpie: He’s inside playing in the toilet again
Jamie: What’s that?
Beanpie: It’s a piece of cloth someone lost yesterday. It ripped off of someone last night, and I found it in my basement.
Jamie: It looks like a piece of an apron from the store around the corner.

*Beanpie looks closely at the cloth

Beanpie: You’re right it does.
Tailgate: Hey Detective Have-No-Clue, how’s the case going?
Beanpie: I think I just may know where to go next.

*Scene 2: Beanpie is on his way to the store and is thinking about how to go about finding the person that came into his basement.

Beanpie (to self): I have to find out who did this. I know it was someone from the store. Could it have been Charlene? I don’t think so, she always helps me, and wants me to blow up.

*Along comes Shaun walking his daily route

Shaun: So how is the newest gardening invention holding up?
Beanpie: It got stolen last night.
Shaun: Really? How many times is this now?
Beanpie: Too many to count govy. I think I know who is behind all of this. Once I find out, I’ll let you know.
Shaun: Alright, it sounds like you’re an undercover cop. That’s hilarious.

*Scene 3: Beanpie walks into the store, and looks around. Then he is approached by Charlene.

Charlene: So, how’d it go last night?
Beanpie: Not so well, they made off with all of my newest inventions
Charlene: Really? I thought you had a master plan.
Beanpie: Whoever it was got in and out before the solution became sticky.
Charlene: Are you going to try something else?
Beanpie: No, I have a clue. I think I know where the person is. Would you mind letting me see your vest?
Charlene: Sure, why not.

*She takes it off, and Beanpie looks at it, it is in perfect shape.

Beanpie: How many of these do you have?
Charlene: I only have one. This cheap store only gives one to each employee.
Beanpie: Alright thanks for the info. I have to get back home and check on some things
Charlene: You mean you’re not working on anything new to hustle?
Beanpie: Not until I find out who is behind this.

*Beanpie heads to the front door when another clerk from the store bumps him on the way out

Clerk: Sorry about that
Beanpie: No worries mate

*Beanpie notices that the clerk’s vest is missing a piece. He makes a mental note and then leaves.


You're now officially caught up on Beanpie! Make sure you check back here every Friday for all new Beanpie!!!! Wooooooooo BEANPIE BEANPIE BEANPIE BEANPIE!

Beanpie - Volume 5 Episode 2: A Better Mouse Trap

Written by Shaun Bolden

Photography by Shay Bolden

*Scene 4 Beanpie is at the store getting a bunch of phony supplies when the clerk Charlene comes up to talk to him

Charlene: Hey bootleg businessman. Did you blow up yet?
Beanpie: No, some bull happened again, but I have a plan this time.
Charlene: Oh yeah, and what might that be?
Beanpie: See, I keep getting robbed. I’m gonna set up a trap. I’m telling everyone that I’m making a gardening product, and storing it in my basement. In reality I am setting up a trap in the basement with my new invention.
Charlene: So, this new product is fake?
Beanpie: Oh no, this stuff really works. It will be staying with me this time.
Charlene: What kind of trap will be in the basement?
Beanpie: I am actually going to make a very sticky solvent that will activate once the door opens. It takes about a minute to get sticky, so the thief will get in pretty far, but won’t get out.
Charlene: You have it all worked out. Tomorrow be sure to come back and let me know who it is.
Beanpie: Will do love, see ya.

* Scene 5: Beanpie and Tailgate are in the basement setting this trap up

Tailgate: Are you sure we won’t get stuck on this glue?
Beanpie: We won’t, it will activate once the door opens. The difference in humidity will make it sticky.
Tailgate: Alright, I just want to see who the genius is that actually takes time out of his day to steal your stupidity.
Beanpie: Anyone can see that I come up with the best inventions.
Tailgate: Let’s just hurry up, I’m starting to get light headed. These fumes are too much.
Beanpie: (Laughs) With a head that size you should never be light headed.
Tailgate: Shutup and hurry.

*Beanpie and Tailgate finish putting the solution on the floor

Beanpie: Okay, now we need to leave the door unlocked, so whoever it is will be able to get in.
Tailgate: So, how sticky does this stuff get?
Beanpie: This is like krazy glue on steroids.
Tailgate: This better work, I have a serious headache from putting it down.
Beanpie: Let’s get out of here.

*Beanpie and Tailgate go upstairs and head to their rooms

*Scene 6: Beanpie is in his room waiting for something to happen when he hears a bunch of rustling in his basement. He heads downstairs to see what’s going on. He sees that everything is gone, and no sign of anyone. Then Tailgate comes down

Beanpie: They got everything
Tailgate: I thought this stuff was supposed to hold whoever came.
Beanpie: It was, they must’ve gotten in and out before it had a chance to get sticky
Tailgate: Ahhhh, you idiot. How do you manage to hand someone your newest invention? You are an A Class idiot.
Beanpie: I don’t need this right now mate, I have to look around and see if anything was left behind
Tailgate: Well I’m going back to bed to try and sleep this headache off.

*Beanpie walks around the basement looking at everything that was turned upside down and searches the area where his product was staged. He then goes to the door, and notice a piece of cloth that was stuck to the handle.

Beanpie: Whoever it was left a piece of their shirt.

*Scene 7: Beanpie is at kitchen table with the piece of cloth in hand.

Beanpie (to self): I have to figure out who took this. I have this to go by. I can’t concentrate on anything new until I catch whoever it is behind this. It just doesn’t make sense, who can it be?

Beanpie - Volume 5 Episode 1: Building a better mouse trap

Written By: Shaun Bolden
Photography By: Shay Bolden


*Opening Scene Beanpie is in his room looking around and thinking hard

Beanpie (to self): This doesn’t make any sense. I know someone is behind this, but who? I know that it couldn’t be Lisa, and Ice Juicy could care less about my stuff. I have to find out who is behind all of the nonsense. Right now everyone is a suspect.

*Scene 2 Beanpie is in his room sulking/thinking when Tailgate comes in.

Tailgate: What’s the matter oh King of Hustlers?
Beanpie: Not right now little goat, I have to find out who is stealing all of my goods.
Tailgate: You honestly think there is one mastermind out there trying to take all that YOU have? I think not.
Beanpie: I know there is. Every single time that I create something, it gets stolen. Don’t you find that a bit odd?
Tailgate: Well, now that you mention it, it does seem a bit fishy. Why would someone want to take your idiotic ideas?
Beanpie: Exactly…..wait a minute, my ideas are not idiotic, if they were would anyone try to steal them?
Tailgate: Whatever. If someone is trying to steal your stuff, why don’t you set them up?
Beanpie: Alright, that sounds good, but how do you suggest I go about doing that?
Tailgate: Make something, and just run your mouth like you usually do, then set up a trap for whoever tries to steal it.
Beanpie: That is exactly what I need to do. I knew you spider monkeys would come in handy one day.
Tailgate: Yeah right, I just don’t understand how primates can even find the bathroom, let alone invent something. By the way, Geico called and said they need you for another commercial shoot.
Beanpie: Very funny, now move so I can get ready to set this trap.

*Tailgate leaves and Beanpie gets ready to go out and set the trap up.

*Scene 3 Beanpie is walking to the store when he runs into Shaun

Beanpie: Hey Ice Juicy, my main govy. What’s going on?
Shaun: My name is…..forget it. It’s just another day at work.
Beanpie: I have my idea for my next sham.
Shaun: Oh brother, what stupidity did you come up with this time?
Beanpie: Well mate, I this time I have come up with the ultimate gardening product.
Shaun: And what might that be?
Beanpie: Well, you know how the plant food nowadays is so expensive?
Shaun: So
Beanpie: I have come up with an inexpensive way to grow your plants.
Shaun: Is this the part where I jump for joy?
Beanpie: Whatever Ice Juicy, I’m just informing you of my new product
Shaun: Well Randolph, I am just informing you that my name is Shaun and I could care less about a gardening product. I have work to do, so I will be on my way.
Beanpie: Alright. The solution will be done tonight, and I will leave it in my basement when I’m done.
Shaun: You told me that because?
Beanpie: No reason. See ya.

*Beanpie continues walking down the street

Beanpie (to self): Hmmmm, trying to act like he doesn’t care. I think he may just be acting to avoid being a suspect. Now to let Lisa in on my newest invention

*Beanpie calls Lisa at work

Lisa: Hello
Beanpie: Hey love, how are you today?
Lisa: I’m fine, and what do you want?
Beanpie: Hahaha very funny, I don’t want a thing love. Just calling to fill you in on the newest invention.
Lisa: Can’t this wait until I get home?
Beanpie: I really wanted to tell you. I am making a new plant food that will be inexpensive and great for your garden.
Lisa: Is that it?
Beanpie: No, I will be leaving it in the basement tonight. Okay?
Lisa: Alrighty then, I have to go and do some real work now. Bye-bye Randolph
Beanpie: It’s Beanpie, and goodbye love.

*Beanpie hangs up the phone

Beanpie (to self): Alright, now Lisa knows too. All the pieces are in place.

Beanpie - Volume 4 Episode 2: Turtle and The Hair

Written by Shaun Bolden

Photography by Shay Bolden

Scene 4: Beanpie heads back to the store and again runs into Charlene

Charlene: So, did you get the hair restorer down?
Beanpie: No, I’ve got something even better than that
Charlene: Oh, so you did invent the Viagra
Beanpie: No love, I have invented a better car polish.
Charlene: Oh really.
Beanpie: Yeah, now I have to pick up some more stuff so I can sell this stuff asap
Charlene: And where exactly are you making this car polish?
Beanpie: I’m using my basement as a lab.
Charlene: Alright I see you have got Turtle wax beat now.
Beanpie: This is way better than any wax from a turtle.
Charlene: Alright I won’t stop you go ahead and do your thing.

*Beanpie collects what he needs in a hurry and runs back to his lab.

Scene 5: Beanpie is in his lab again, he is furiously working on his new car polish

Beanpie (to self): Well now, I want to start moving this as soon as possible. I should have 50 bottles by morning. This will definitely give me what I need to get into the Flea market. This plan can not fail. I have it locked up inside and Lisa is out of town for a few days. Finally Beanpie comes out on top.

*Beanpie finishes making about 50 bottles of solution and then heads to bed for the night.

Scene 6: Beanpie wakes up and gets ready to start the day. Ready to hustle his new car polish and make money

Beanpie (to self): Alright govy get ready because today is it. Now all I have to do is look professional, and I will sell this like there is no tomorrow

*Beanpie hums a tune while walking into the basement, only to see it has been broken into, and all of his bottles and his formula have been stolen

Beanpie (yells): What the bloody hell is going on here?

*Tailgate comes running downstairs

Tailgate: What are you yelling about?
Beanpie: Somebody has stolen all of my polish
Tailgate: WHAT?!
Beanpie: Hey mate did Lisa come here last night?
Tailgate: I don’t think so, isn’t she out of town?
Beanpie: That’s right, I have no clue who could have done this. Man, I finally get something that can really put me on the map, and it gets stolen from me.
Tailgate: Call the cops
Beanpie: No way, those blokes are no help. I have to find out who did this to me and get my stuff back.

*Beanpie runs back upstairs and calls Shaun. They have a brief conversation and then Beanpie hangs up.

Beanpie (to self): First the soap, then the tea, the dog food, and now this. How could someone possibly get robbed for his goods before they all hit the street? I thought it was Lisa, but she knew absolutely nothing about this one. Something is going on, and I am going to find out what or who it is.

Outnumbered # 33 - By Christopher Brown

Beanpie - Volume 4 Episode 1: Turtle and The Hair

Written by Shaun Bolden

Photography by Shay Bolden

Opening scene: Beanpie is sitting on his bed thinking of a new plan.

Beanpie (to self): Man, this has got to be the weirdest series of events that has ever happened to anyone. I just can’t believe this keeps happening to me. I am not going to give up now. But I have no idea of what to do. Think man think.

*Beanpie begins to scratch his head and feels his hair

Beanpie (to self): That’s it! I can create a hair tonic that will grow hair on bald men. I know I can do it. I just have to put those good grades in chemistry to use.

Scene 2:Beanpie is in his room writing a recipe and he writes down numerous formulas. After he comes up with the ideal formula he heads to the store to collect the ingredients

Charlene: Hey Beanpie, how’s the dog food salesman doing?
Beanpie: Well love, it didn’t do anything. I got robbed……again
Charlene: Somebody robbed you for dog food, man what is this world coming to?
Beanpie: I don’t know love, but this time I am going to make hair restoring tonic. I am a genius when it comes to chemistry. I don’t know why I haven’t thought of this before. Now I will make a killing off of this.
Charlene: Wow, you are really going to make a hair restoring tonic? How will you know if it works?
Beanpie: I have a test dummy.
Charlene: How long will it take you to finish?
Beanpie: I should be done by the end of the week.
Charlene: Let me know when you finish, I want to see this thing in action. Can I ask you a question? Why do you do this?
Beanpie: I really want to buy a spot in the flea market, but I don’t want to waste money. That’s why I hustle on my own to make sure there is a demand for my products.
Charlene: Well, why don’t you start selling Viagra?
Beanpie: I don’t think it will be safe to sell my own blood to people.
Charlene: Quite the potent one aren’t you? Just keep me posted.
Beanpie: No problem, I’ll just be picking these things up and on my way.

*Beanpie picks up what he needs, and heads back home to work

Scene 3: Beanpie is in his basement putting the chemicals together, and as he is fixing the tonic, he begins to think.

Beanpie (to self): Alright, now that I have the solution all prepared, I need a guinea pig for my experiment and I know just who to use. (yells) Oh Tailgate can you come here for a second?

*Tailgate runs downstairs to see what Beanpie wants

Tailgate: What do you want man? Did you use the glue instead of the lotion again? I am not helping you with this one, that is a personal problem.
Beanpie: Whatever weenies boy, come here I want to show you something

*Tailgate walks around the table looking at everything

Tailgate: Wow, what are you doing down here? It looks like a mad scientists laboratory, only you’re not smart enough to boil water so what are you up to?
Beanpie: Well, I have created a hair restoring tonic
Tailgate: Does it work?
Beanpie: I don’t know yet, I have to test it and see.
Tailgate: What idiot did you get to try this stupid thing on?

*Beanpie looks at Tailgate and smiles and Tailgate starts backing away

Tailgate: Oh no, you better try that on one of your bald headed girlfriends or something, because you are NOT trying that on me.
Beanpie: C’mon mate, let me just pour a little on you, all the girls will think you finally reached puberty.
Tailgate: Nah ah, you are not using me….HELP!!!!!

*Tailgate runs up the stairs and out of the door and Beanpie chases him, while running around Shaun’s car, and after a few laps some of the solution spills on the hood

Tailgate: Ooohhh, Shaun is gonna whoop your ass
Beanpie: Shutup govy, me and Ice Juicy are tight, all I have to do is explain it to him.

*Shaun appears behind Beanpie

Shaun: Explain what?
Beanpie: Hey man, what’s up Ice Juicy
Tailgate: He spilled his ghetto rogaine on your car
Shaun: WHAT?!
Beanpie: Hey there homie, my brotha, it was just an accident
Shaun: I just waxed my car, where did you spill it?
Tailgate: Right here

*Shaun and Tailgate look at the spot while Beanpie tries to sneak away. Then Shaun and Tailgate looked surprised

Shaun: Ayo Beanpie, what exactly is this that you spilled on my car?
Beanpie: Ah, my new hair restorer
Shaun: Well I don’t know about a hair restorer, but can you come and look at this?

*Beanpie walks slowly to the car and is shocked to see what happened

Shaun: I have never in my life seen a car shine like this
Beanpie: Holy bloody chrome, I can see my future on the hood.
Shaun: Hey how much of that stuff do you have?
Beanpie: This is the only batch, but I have the formula in the basement
Shaun: This is the first thing I’ve seen you make that I would actually buy.
Beanpie: Do you mean that Ice…..I mean Shaun?
Shaun: Yeah, I would buy this in a heartbeat. Do you think you can make some for me?
Beanpie: Yeah, I just have to go back to the store and get more supplies.

EYM celebrates Earth Day!

Below are some tips to help you do your part to save mother earth.....not just today, but always. FREE YOUR MIND!

Earth Day was first celebrated in 1970 after a senator from Wisconsin wanted a way to bring attention to environmental concerns. Twenty million Americans participated in the event. Last year, an estimated 1 billion people in 184 countries participated in Earth Day activities!

The average person creates about 4.3 pounds of trash per day.

The trash most commonly found in municipal landfills is plain old paper—on average, it accounts for more than 40 percent of a landfill's contents. Newspapers, which can be recycled, can take up as much as 13 percent of the space in US landfills and deteriorates very slowly in a landfill. Research has shown that, when excavated from a landfill, newspapers from the 1960s can be intact and readable!

Water-efficient fixtures can save you about 54,000 gallons in your home annually.

Recycling aluminum cans saves 95 percent of the energy required to make the same amount of aluminum from raw aluminum ore, bauxite.

Planting shade trees around your house can reduce your air conditioner bill by up to
75 percent, and save an average household $100-$250 in energy costs each year. In fact, plants can significantly reduce a building's energy needs since it's cooler in the shade of trees and warmer behind plants that block the winter winds.

Nearly 20 percent of a home's electricity use goes to lighting. Choosing energy-efficient lighting is an easy way to start using energy wisely. Switch out a single light bulb or fixture in your home to a light that's earned the government's ENERGY STAR for energy efficiency.

Transportation consumes about 25 percent of the total energy used in the United States. Driving can release harmful chemicals or other pollutants into the air. When, where, how, why and what you drive all play an important role in affecting air pollution. Drive wise and be more environmentally friendly when you need to get somewhere!

*Source: US Enviornmental Protection Agency

Beanpie - Volume 3 Episode 2: Dog Eat Dog World

Written By: Shaun Bolden
Photography By: Shay Bolden

Scene 4: Beanpie is back home putting together his recipe for dog food when Lisa walks into the house

Lisa: Hey Ran….I mean Beanpie
Beanpie: Hey love, how was work today?
Lisa: The same ol crap, some guys argued over a lady at work today. They both want to go out with her and both are scared to ask, but they seem to have worked up a way to argue about her.
Beanpie: She must be one sexy piece of……I mean she must be a nice looking woman
Lisa: Ha! If they knew like I knew, they’d leave her alone
Beanpie: And what is it that you know?
Lisa: I know that this particular woman pees standing up.
Beanpie: Are you saying these guys had a fight over a guy?
Lisa: I feel sorry for the winner.
Beanpie: I’m glad it’s not me. Anyway, I am making that dog food I was telling you about earlier.
Lisa: I really do not believe you are making dog food. I mean normal people cook and sell plates out of their house. Maybe even icees, but who sells dog food?
Beanpie: Exactly. No one has had an idea like this. And I am using organic ingredients. This will make us rich baby.
Lisa: And if it doesn’t will you then get a job?
Beanpie: Ha, like my idea can fail.
Lisa: Speaking of fail, did anything ever come of that little Tea-Bust the other day?
Beanpie: Nothing, I called the Police and they say they know nothing about it. It’s weird I tell you.
Lisa: Well I’m gonna take a shower, are we still on for the movies tonight?
Beanpie: Yup, I’m almost done here anyway. Let me put this in the shed for the night.

Scene 5: Beanpie is outside putting his dog food in the shed, when all of the sudden he is hit in the neck. He wakes up spread out on the lawn, and Lisa is standing over him.

Lisa: Babe, why are you out here asleep?
Beanpie: I have no clue. I was putting the dog food away, and then I woke up here.
Lisa: What is that on your neck?

*He rubs the back of his neck

Beanpie: Ow, I have no idea what happened
Lisa: It looks like you got hit.
Beanpie: What the….why would I get hit?
Lisa: I don’t know. Who have you pissed off lately?
Beanpie: No one that I know of.
Lisa: Well, I’m going back in, come with me so we can clean you up.
Beanpie: OK

*Beanpie walks over to where the dog food was and sees that it’s gone.

Beanpie (to self): This can not be happening. How is my dog food gone?! Who in the world would want to take dog food? Who was the only one around? Lisa?! No! She was the only one around. She knew where I was going to put my dog food. I have to keep a close eye on her.

Beanpie - Volume 3 Episode 1: Dog Eat Dog World

Written by Shaun Bolden

Photography by Shay Bolden

Opening scene: Beanpie is walking down the street.

Beanpie (to self): Alright govy, you can’t remain beaten. You are the number one street business man out here. There is no way a few setbacks can hold you down.

*He stops at a local kennel and gets an idea.

Beanpie (to self): That’s it! I’ll make dog food, and make a killing. This has no chance of failing. There is no way anyone can interfere with a man making dog food

Scene 2: Beanpie is on the internet looking for ways to make dog food when his brother walks by

Tailgate: Oh Randolph…
Beanpie: What do you want you little toad?
Tailgate: I need the computer for my school report on seals, but since you’re here I can interview you instead.
Beanpie; Ha to the ha….you seem to be the funniest muppet I know
Tailgate: Seriously, can you get off of the computer so I can use it?
Beanpie: One second zoo boy, lemme look one more thing up then it’s all yours.

*Tailgate leaves, Beanpie looks through different sites and finds numerous recipes for dog food. He mixes and matches and creates his own version of dog food. After he finishes, he taps his head thinking of a name for his product.

Beanpie: What to name it, what to name it. Let’s see….Good Dog? Nah too corny. Better than your master’s food…..Nope can’t use that. Ahh I got it

*Tailgate comes back to see if Beanpie is finished

Tailgate: Are you done looking at your porn yet?
Beanpie: I was not looking at porn, I am a ladies man, I make movies, I don’t watch.
Tailgate: Ha, tell that to our lotion shortage, the stains in the carpet, and the sticky keys on the keyboard.
Beanpie (stutters): Th-th-that was l-l-like that before….
Tailgate: Before what?
Beanpie: Shutup, I’m done don’t you want to use this computer?
Tailgate: Not before I wipe it down with bleach.

*Beanpie jots down a name and makes his way to the store for the ingredients.

Scene 3: Beanpie is at the store looking around for different items to create his dog food

Clerk 1: Hey there. It’s the (in an English accent) Bootlegger extraordinaire
Beanpie: And what might I do for you today my lady?
Clerk 1: Nothin, I’ve just been seeing you around a lot. Wondering if you needed some help looking for something.
Beanpie: No thanks love, I think I can handle this one on my own.
Clerk 1: By the way, my name is Charlene.

*She reaches out to shake Beanpie’s hand

Beanpie: Hello, they call me Beanpie, and I am not a bootlegger. I am an unofficial business man.
Charlene: Well then, Mr. Business man. How did the tea selling bit go?
Beanpie: Not so well. I never got to sell it. Some bloody copper thought I was trying to sell weed and took it from me.
Charlene: That sucks. What are you up to now?
Beanpie: I’m on to a new venture. I’m gonna sell dog food.
Charlene: How do you plan on doing that?
Beanpie: Well, I have found the perfect recipe with really inexpensive ingredients. All I have to do is pick them up, and bam. I can make a killing from organic dog food.
Charlene: Well, since men are dogs, what more can I expect,
Beanpie: Well then that would make the female dogs bi..
Charlene: Watch your mouth!
Beanpie: Whatev love, I just gotta get the rest of this stuff, so I’ll see you round uh?
Charlene: Alright Mr. Beanpie.

Beanpie: Volume 2 Episode 2 - Tea Time

Written by Shaun Bolden

Photography by Shay Bolden

Scene 4: Beanpie is at the store looking for plastic bags

Clerk 1: Hey, look it’s the soap man. How did the soap sell?
Beanpie: I don’t want to talk about it.
Clerk 1: I told you $4 a bottle was too much.
Beanpie: That was a deal for what I had to offer.
Clerk 1: I have no clue of what you’re smoking, but $4 for soap is a rip-off.
Beanpie: You’ve got to be taking a piss, that is a good price for a great product. Anyway love, do you have any plastic bags?
Clerk 1: Yeah, in aisle 5. What are you selling this time?
Beanpie: I am selling tea, I made it from fresh tea leaves
Clerk 1: Is it flavored?
Beanpie: Nah, it’s just green tea imported from China
Clerk 1: Who is gonna buy bootleg tea?
Beanpie: When I blow up off of this idea, and become as famous as Lipton, don’t ask me for any of this tea.
Clerk 1: Trust me I won’t ask you for it!
Beanpie: Well, I’ve got my bags, thank you very much………(mumbles) whore

*Beanpie leaves the store and heads back home to bag his tea up.

Scene 5: Beanpie is outside putting the tea into bags when he sees a car pull up

Officer: Hey boy, what are you doing?
Beanpie: I’m just putting these tea leaves into bags sir
Officer: Those don’t look like tea leaves to me
Beanpie: These are tea leaves officer.
Officer: I’m gonna have to take those to the station
Beanpie: These are tea leaves
Officer: Are you getting loud with me? That looks like some Mary Ja Wanna to me. I said that is going with me.
Beanpie: You can smell them for yourself, it’s just tea. I would not be selling weed and bagging it up outside of my house. I am a business man, and this my tea. I am selling tea, not weed.
Officer, I see that you know the street term, and you look like a drug dealerto me. What’s your name?
Beanpie: Randolph Ethelwood sir
Officer: Well that sounds like a drug dealers name also, now give those illegal leaves.
Beanpie: I told you this is just…….

*Officer sprays Beanpie with mace.

Beanpie (Screams in a high pitch voice): Ahhhh….what’re you doing? I didn’t do anything
Officer: This is coming with me.

Scene 6: Beanpie is in the bathroom scrubbing his face when he looks in the mirror

Beanpie (to self): Why does this keep happening to me? I try to get my shams moving, but something outrageous happens every time. I can’t explain this one to Lisa or Ice Juicy. They’ll never believe me. Oh well, I just have to come up with another plan. This time I will not fail!

Beanpie: Volume 2 Episode 1: Tea Time

Written by Shaun Bolden
Photography by Shay Bolden

Beanpie (to self): Today govy, I’m gonna make the ultimate tea party.....Beanpie will go down in history as the tea king. I’ve come too far and worked too hard to fail. Nothing can stop me this time.

*Beanpie in his room writing a recipe for tea while watching a local tv food show.

Beanpie (humming): Uh hm....uh hm....uh hm
Lisa: Babe, what are you doing this time?
Beanpie: I’m making a recipe for tea, this is an untapped gold mine here
Lisa: It is not untapped, people make tea all over the world
Beanpie: Trust me on this one
Beanpie: I can do this Lis, I have the recipe, I am the manpower, and with Ice Juicy’s help I’ll take over the industry
Lisa: He is so not gonna help you on this one
Beanpie: He’s my main govy, he’s always down for his BP
Lisa: Yeah right, just like the last time he helped you out.
Beanpie: Just a minor setback, this time he’s sure to help me out.
Lisa: Don’t say I didn’t warn ya.

*Beanpie in the kitchen staring at fresh tea leaves he just received in the mail.

Beanpie (to self): Alright, what to do, what to do. I thought these would be dried and processed already.

*Enter Tailgate

Tailgate: What is this? Are you becoming a sissy gardener?
Beanpie: Shut up stupid monkey, you have no idea of what I’m doing.
Tailgate: Well why don’t you tell me grass fairy

*Beanpie slaps Tailgate on top of the head

Beanpie: This govy is my ticket to wealth, Behold the tea leaves
Tailgate: Oh, you’re not the garden fairy, you’re a tea fairy. That’s so gay.
Beanpie: Whatever you ape faced arachnid, when I get rich, I’ll put you on display at the local freak show.

*Tailgate gives Beanpie a low blow and runs away

Tailgate: See ya queen of the tea leaves
Beanpie (shouts): Wait’ll I get you, you’re gonna regret that shot

*Beanpie stares once again at the leaves scratching head trying to figure out a way to dry the leaves out

*Beanpie looks around the kitchen, stops at the microwave

Beanpie: That should dry the leaves right out mate

*Beanpie is outside on his back porch thinking of a way to package his tea. He then sees Ice Juicy

Beanpie: Yo, Ice Juicy, what’s the deal govy?
Shaun: My name is Shaun
Beanpie I’ve got a question for you mate
Shaun (sighs): Shoot
Beanpie: Well, I have a new sham
Shaun: Wow, that’s a surprise
Beanpie: Wait, let me finish. I have an idea on how to reach an untapped market. I am going to sell tea
Shaun: You’re selling tea?
Beanpie: Yes, and it’s all natural. I just finished drying the leaves and now I need to package it.
Shaun: Are you serious?
Beanpie: Yes I am
Shaun (laughing): Yo, this is NOT England. We don’t have tea and biscuits here. You were better off with that soap idea. Whatever happened with that?
Beanpie: These two hooligans took all of my soap.
Shaun: You got jumped by some kids and they took your soap?
Beanpie: Well, one kicked me in the shin, and the other poked me in the eyes. Then they grabbed my soap and ran.
Shaun: So you expect me to believe two kids, beat you, no poked you and then robbed you, for soap nonetheless. Yeah right. Just admit that your idea to sell soap was not a good one.
Beanpie: I’m telling you mate, that is the truth. I was robbed.
Shaun: Whatever, what did you want to ask me?
Beanpie: Oh yeah, well I was looking for suggestions on how I should package my tea.
Shaun: Man I am the wrong one to ask. I just deliver the mail and keep it movin. Just get some plastic bags and bag it up. That’s what I suggest.
Beanpie: That sounds like a plan. Thanks govy, you have truly earned the name Ice Juicy
Shaun: My name is Shaun

Beanpie: Volume 1 Episode 3 - Squeaky Clean

Written by Shaun Bolden

Photograhy by Shay Bolden



*Beanpie is in the bathroom filling the bottles, when his girlfriend Lisa enters

Lisa: Tailgate told me that you were going to be selling dish washing liquid.
Beanpie: Isn’t that the best sham I’ve had?
Lisa: How about no.
Beanpie: You are supposed to be my main lady, support me.
Lisa: You know I support you. I pay your bills, buy your food, and every now and then I let you touch me.
Beanpie: Ha to the ha. Not like that. You’re supposed to support my decisions.
Lisa: Well let me see, support you in your decision not to get a job, but instead hustle the most idiotic household items at an outrageous price. Can’t say that I see a future in that.
Beanpie: This one is a winner love. I can’t fail. At $4 a bottle, I’ll be a millionaire in no time.
Lisa: $4 a bottle?!
Beanpie: Yes
Lisa: What? Is it all natural?
Beanpie: No
Lisa: Is it scented?
Beanpie: No
Lisa: Does it soften your hands?
Beanpie: Ah, no
Lisa: And you’re selling this for $4
Beanpie: Yes I am
Lisa: You really put the “smart” in not smart.
Beanpie: What? You mean you don’t think this will work?
Lisa: If it does, I’ll perform in a donkey show.
Beanpie: Well you’d better start doing your twat exercises, cuz this one will not fail.
Lisa: I don’t think so Randolph.
Beanpie: It’s Beanpie, and it will work.
Lisa: Whatever Mr. Beanpie. I’m off to work. (mumbles) Where you should be.
Beanpie: What was that dear?
Lisa: Oh nothing, see you later.
Beanpie: Bye love, and don’t forget to stretch, donkeys are well endowed.

*Beanpie is walking down the street with his loaded cart of soap when he is approached by some young boys.

Boy 1: Hey, what do you have there?
Beanpie: This? Well this here is world class homemade dishwashing liquid
Boy 2: How much is it?
Beanpie: $4
Boys 1 & 2: What?!?!?
Boy 1: What? Is it all natural?
Beanpie: No
Boy 2: Is it scented?
Beanpie: No
Boy 1: Does it soften your hands?
Beanpie: Ah, no
Boy 2: And you’re selling this for $4
Beanpie: Yes I am
Boy 1: I bet you won’t sell any of that raggedy soap at all
Boy 2: You’re an idiot with a stupid accent
Beanpie: Shut up! Don’t you two have some traffic you need to play in?
Boy 1: Well, I just finished with your mom, and she said you have to go home and clean your room
Beanpie: If you weren’t so small I would knock you out!

*Boy 2 kicks Beanpie in the shin

Beanpie: Ow, now why’d you go and do a thing like that?

*Boy 1 pokes BP in the eyes, while Boy 2 grabs the cart and the two kids run off with the soap

Beanpie: I’ll get you two little spider monkeys!! You better not ever come back around this way!!!!

*Beanpie walks back home with his head down mumbling

*Beanpie is back in his bed thinking of another sham so that he can make money

Beanpie (to self): I can’t dwell on that little setback. Those little delinquents will get theirs. I just can’t believe that happened to me. Oh well, they have not seen the last of me. I must come up with another way to make this business thing work.

Beanpie – Volume 1 Episode 2: Squeaky Clean - By Shaun Bolden/Pic By Shay Bolden

*Beanpie is at the local Dollar store trying to find some clear bottles. He walks over to a clerk to ask for some help

Beanpie: Excuse me, can you tell me where I might find some empty bottles?
Clerk: What kind of bottles?
Beanpie: Plastic bottles.
Clerk: What kind of plastic bottles?
Beanpie: Tall clear plastic bottles.
Clerk: What are you using these bottles for sir?
Beanpie: I am going to be selling soap in them.

*Clerk breaks out in outrageous laughter

Clerk: You are gonna sell soap?
Beanpie: Yes, and pretty soon you’ll see my soap everywhere. And if you act right young lady, I may take you to the top with me.
Clerk: Yeah right, we’ll be on the top of idiots most wanted.
Beanpie: Whatever, can you tell me where they are?
Clerk: In aisle 5.
Beanpie: Thanks……(mumbles) slut.

*Beanpie looks at a bunch of bottles and then grabs about 20 normal sized bottles, and heads to the register

Clerk 2: What are you gonna do with all of these bottles?
Beanpie: Ah yes, I am going to be selling my own dishwashing liquid.
Clerk 2: That sounds good, how much you gonna charge a bottle?
Beanpie: About $4.
Clerk 2: What? Is it all natural?
Beanpie: No.
Clerk 2: Is it scented?
Beanpie: No.
Clerk 2: Does it soften your hands?
Beanpie: Ah, no.
Clerk 2: And you’re selling this for $4.
Beanpie: Yes I am.
Clerk 2: What is so special about this soap?
Beanpie: Well, I made it by hand.
Clerk 2: And….
Beanpie: And what?
Clerk 2: (Laughing) Keep the receipt so you can get your money back.
Beanpie: What’s so funny?
Clerk 2: You are selling homemade soap, with no added features for $4 a bottle, that’s what’s funny.

*Beanpie grabs the bottles and storms off.

*Beanpie is walking back to his house with a duffel bag full of empty bottles when he sees Ice Juicy

Beanpie: Hey Ice Juicy, my man, what’s the deal govy?
Shaun: My name is Shaun.
Beanpie: I know, but Ice Juicy has so much more flavor mate.
Shaun: It sounds like a pedophile disguised as an Ice Cream salesman.
Beanpie: Whatever govy. I got a spankin new sham, want in on it?
Shaun: You have the most idiotic schemes, and NO, I don’t want in on this nonsense.
Beanpie: You haven’t even heard what it is.
Shaun: Lemme guess. You have a bag full of empty bottles…..hmmm…you’re hustling stupid by the ounce.
Beanpie: Haha, very funny mate. Now, what you see before you is a state of the art, new millennium, dish washing liquid dispenser.
Shaun: All I see are bottles.
Beanpie: I made a homemade soap govy.
Shaun: And how much are you selling this bull…..I mean soap for?
Beanpie: $4 a bottle.
Shaun: What? Is it all natural?
Beanpie: No.
Shaun: Is it scented?
Beanpie: No.
Shaun: Does it soften your hands?
Beanpie: Ah, no.
Shaun: And you’re selling this for $4
Beanpie: Yes I am.
Shaun (shaking his head) : I don’t think this is gonna work out at all.
Beanpie: What do you mean? This is the perfect sham.
Shaun: The only thing that is gonna be cleaned is your wallet.
Beanpie: I’ll let you think on that one. I’ll get back to you later, I’ve gotta go bottle this stuff up.
Shaun (Walking away): Whatever, take it easy.
Beanpie: Peace Ice Juicy.
Shaun (Yells): My name is Shaun!

Beanpie – Volume 1 Episode 1: Squeaky Clean - By: Shaun Bolden

*Beanpie is laying in bed thinking about a new sham to make some easy money. He is a self proclaimed hustler in the suburbs of Connecticut. In his mind he is the ultimate hustler.

Beanpie (to self): Alright govy, today is the day you make it big. You’ve come too far to stop. After today’s sham everybody will know this name, BEANPIE!

*Beanpie is in the bathroom singing and mixing a solution in the bathtub when his little brother Tailgate comes into the room.

Tailgate: Move I have to pee.

Beanpie: Just go, I’m no meat gazer govy. Plus you have a malnourished tallywacker. I heard NASA put the Hubble Telescope into orbit just to try and find it.

Tailgate: Shutup!

*Tailgatestarts peeing

Tailgate: What are you doin?

Beanpie: If you must know, I’ve come up with the ultimate sham.

Tailgate: Why don’t you just get a job?

Beanpie: Listen mate, Beanpie works for no one. I’m a business man, besides you can’t look this good and not work for yourself.

*Tailgate finishes, turns around, and puts his hand on BP’s shoulder

Tailgate: So, what are you making?

*BP jumps up and pushes Tailgate’s hands off of him

Beanpie: You nasty little bugger! Get those little pee pee sausages off of me and wash your hands.

Tailgate: Sorry! Always Mr. Sensitive. Sometimes I wonder if you’re my big brother or my big sister.

Beanpie: Whatever govy. What we have here is a solvent that will knock the dirt right off of any dish.

Tailgate: You’re gonna bootleg dish washing liquid?

Beanpie: That’s the idea.

Tailgate: So, you’re gonna hustle soap?

Beanpie: I said yes.

Tailgate: Wait a minute, this from a guy they called “Deputy Dirt” in the high school yearbook?

Beanpie: Shut up and get out!!!

Tailgate (singing): I washed the sheriff, but I did not clean the deputy.

*Tailgate runs out of the bathroom

Beanpie: Alright, now to get this soap off and running.

*Beanpie starts mixing this liquid and adding numerous things until finally he is finished.

Beanpie: Aha, now to get the bottles.

Outnumbered # 32 - By Christopher Brown

Outnumbered # 31 - By Christopher Brown

ETM has joined forces with Chris Brown, creator of "Outnumbered", a weekly comic strip about the trials of being a single Black father of two. Check back every Thursday for more "Outnumbered".

Why are our...

Children Having Children

Written by: Kenneth-Michael

Imagine waking up and not only having to get yourself ready for the day, but getting three other generally helpless people ready. This may seem normal for the average adult, but Bronte Moore isn’t your average adult. She hasn’t even scratched the surface of adulthood. At 20 years-old, Moore is the mother of three young children.

She discovered her first pregnancy at the age of 16 while still in high school.

“When I first found out, I didn’t tell anyone,” said Moore. The only person that she recalls telling at the time was the father of the unborn child, who was 23 years-old. “I didn’t tell my mother. She found out by the size and the lines under my stomach.” She was in the shower when her mother noticed the change in her daughter’s body. Moore was in her fourth month.

According to the Guttmacher Institute, close to 750,000 teenage girls become pregnant between the ages of 15 and 19 years-old. Among the four different race/ethnicities, the number of Black teenagers had fallen—according to the last statistic in 2002—by 8.5 percent from the previous year to 134.2 percent. In 2002, the total pregnancies of women between the ages of 15-19 was 746,820 which had fallen from 2000 with 821,810 average pregnancies. That same year, teenagers age 14 or younger averaged over 17,000 pregnancies.

Now looking back on it, Moore says that she did start out using protection, but suddenly stopped when she and her children’s father became serious. When her mother realized that she was pregnant and unsure on how far she was, they immediately made an appointment to see a doctor. “When I went to all my appointments, my mother was right there with me,” said Moore. She admits that she expected her mother to be a little upset, but it was her father who gave her grief.

To read more of this story, click the link below:

http://www.etmmagazine.info/future/2009/04/2009_04_childrenhavingchildren.html

The Experience:
The Talib Kweli Interview

Story by: Tibetan Starr
Photography by: Darcel D’onofrio

Nikonismine@aol.com

“This morning, I woke up
Feeling brand new I jumped up
Feeling my high's,
And my low's
In my soul,
And my goals
Just to stop smoking,
And stop drinking
But, I've been thinking –
I've got my reasons
Just to get (by), just to get (by)
Just to get (by), just to get (by)”
-Talib Kweli

The night of the Talib Kweli interview, after all was said and done, I figured, “I had my reasons just to get by.” Have you ever wanted something so badly and you wait so long and then, you give up just to find out that if you waited maybe a few more minutes you could have received everything you were waiting for? Well, that night I waited my “few more minutes” and then some.

I arrive at Club Sonar in downtown Baltimore at 8:00 p.m., anticipating my interview with Talib. When my photographer and I arrive, there is a line outside that wraps around the wall. We enter the space where Talib is going to be performing. Everyone is still preparing for the show. The DJ is setting up, lights are being checked, and the mic is being tested. Other journalists are already there as well. I’m not sure exactly how the setup is going to be. I’m told he hasn’t arrived yet, so I sit on the steps by the security guard, patiently waiting.

9:00 p.m. – At this point, I start eyeing all the entrances and green room doors in hopes that I can catch him. I start to get fidgety, so I pull out my questions and go over them again. I can’t help but think about the documentary Call and Response that Talib performed for. Call and Response is a rockumentary about slavery, children brothels, and human trafficking going on today. There has been a record count of 27 million people who are enslaved, but it is said to be a lot more. Dr. Cornel West—alongside Talib and a few other celebrities—have reached out in hopes that it will bring attention to this madness. I love children and anything to help I will do, so I signed up for the cause the moment I learned of it.

The DJ is complete with setup, so now that I am two feet away from the speakers, I am officially going deaf. Now, I am thinking, “Oh, my God! Will I be able to hear Talib with this buzzing sound in my ear?” I just keep telling myself to stay focused and be patient.

10:00 pm – Fans start pouring in and the spot is filling up fast. Two big projection screens are posted up on both sides of the stage. They showcase the crowd in aphrodisiac colors as well as the DJ. I’m thinking it’s cool and, at this point, it becomes some form of entertainment for me. The Hip-Hop heads are definitely showing up and the DJ is not letting them down. He plays songs from old school WU-TANG to KRS-1 to A TRIBE CALLED QUEST to…

11:00pm –

“Here we go, yo! Here we go, yo!

So what

So what

So what's the scenario?

Here we go, yo! Here we go, yo!

So what

So what

So what's the scenario?”

-A Tribe Called Quest f/ L.O.N.S.

to:

“Hey, baby, your hips is getting big
Now, you're getting thin

You don't care about your wig
Now, Woolie Willie got a pair of my sneakers
I wonder where he got 'em cause I hid 'em behind my speakers”…

To check out the full Talib Kweli story, click the link below...

http://etmmagazine.info/freeyourmind/2009/04/2009_04_talibkweli.html

If You Don't Know...

My love is not to be taken for granted. I gave it to you freely and abundantly and you did not appreciate it…When it was there, you weren’t. Now that it’s gone, here you are. But, it’s too late. So, stop calling… stop writing… stop sending “friend requests”… we are not friends. You had your Chance. You choose Community Chess. Well, checkmate. It’s clear that this is not your game. Doesn’t matter. I’m no longer playing. I’m removing my gloves…I’m beginning to think that you never loved me. That all this time, you were a mirage created by my dehydrated heart. I was thirsty for love. Thirsting for a sip that would quench this need, but you merely teased me with a drop on my tongue…I don’t taste you no more. Don’t smell that scent that used to draw me in. Don’t hear that tone that cheered my soul. Don’t feel the way I used to feel… Don’t see why I wasted my time on you…

To read more of Lyrically Speaking, click the link below...

http://etmmagazine.info/Editorials/2009/04/2009_04_lyricallyspeaking8.html

Does Genes Have to do with Weight?

From Your Genes to Smaller Jeans
Story by: Richard Russ

It’s April again. You are spring cleaning out your closet and you realize, maybe since the winter you have put on a couple of “hibernation” pounds. So, you go downstairs to take a break from the heartache and you decide to get a bowl of ice cream and watch America’s Next Top Model. You watch as the 6’4, size 2 ladies strut their stuff, and you think to yourself, “If only…” So, you turn off the TV and go to sleep. Four hours later, you awake and there is ice cream everywhere. You take a shower and get into bed. For some people this is a typical Wednesday evening; but, for some people it is a cry for help.

The vision of a healthier you is more obtainable when you enter your transformation with the right state of mind. Losing weight is easier said than done, especially for those who don’t share gene pools with Tyson Beckford. We have to ask ourselves when standing in front of the mirror after the shower, “Am I losing weight for the right reasons?” Many people feel pressed by “swimsuit” season to get down to a lower size, looking for the fastest way to drop a few pounds, but when looking for a quick fix, crash dieting and hardcore exercising can be dangerous. When you are considering making a new diet for yourself consider these factors:

To see the factors... click the link underneath:
http://etmmagazine.info/wakeup/2009/04/2009_04_genestojeans.html

Mindstate Mixtape cd release

On April 4th, 2009 Raven and luminoUS attended the Mindstate Mixtape cd release party hosted by Baltimore/DC artists Black Root and J. Pope. This event brought together over 19 Singers, Emcees and Spoken Word artists for a mind blowing compilation. Below are some of the amazing performances. Make sure to share with us what you think.

"Spaz Out & Mindstate 51 outro" Feat: Black Root, J. Pope, LOVE the poet & Nathan Blaze




"Spit" Feat: DJ J. Who, Black Root & Jamma Wun




"Intro and Star Trippin" Feat: Shelby Jade, Rah The Pyramid, Simba, Phoenix Soul and EM Sea Water

Storytellers Spotlight: W. Ellington Felton

Raven sat down with W. Ellington Felton after his performance at Ear Candy in March 2009. They talked about everything from Dub El's love of acting to what music tastes like to him. Check out Part I thru III and let us know what you think.

Part I




Part II




Part III

Storytellers Spotlight: Archie The Messenger & Lyrical The Lyricist