Lyrically Speaking XVIII (By Written by: Ccep J. Dew, West Coast Editor)

“It’s the thought of Mecca that keeps me alive. That’swhat helps me face these days that are all the same,these mute crystals on the shelves, and lunch and dinner at that same horrible café. I’m afraid that if my dream is realized, I’ll have no reason to go on living.”–The Merchant in Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist.

I feel like I’ve been dumbing myself down because I am afraid of my own power. How do I embrace it? How do I let go? I have always tried my best to hide from the spotlight while knowing full well that’s where I’m destined to be. And there are excuses that have helped me to reason with why I cannot or have not done all of the things that I know I am beyond capable of doing: My own timeline… Perfectionism… Work… Stress… That’s why I have three “unfinished” novels, countless writings (plays, songs, poems, etc.), and other ideas that have yet to even reach page. That’s why I haven’t done a poetry cd and don’t promote my book: I am afraid of supplying a demand that I am not sure I am prepared for. It’s also why I could never bring myself to slam. [For those of you unfamiliar with “slam”, simply put, it is a poetry competition where judges rate your performance/reading of your poetry based on their own definition of what “poetry” and “spoken word” should be. And you go up against other poets whose style, “skill level”, appearance, etc. may differ completely from yours. And there is no way of knowing what the judges will respond to and appreciate…]

Ironically enough, yesterday (a Thursday), I agreed to slam simply to fill an empty spot. I keep poems memorized, but I hadn’t practiced to compete. I wasn’t prepared for judgment on a 0 to 10 scale. But, with encouragement from my sistah Jerrica, I went up there and gave it my best.

I sit in front of this computer screen today, still trying to grasp that fact that, not only did I make it through to the second round, but I tied both rounds, perfect scores (by slam rules of dropping the lowest and highest score), with Jason O’Neil. I’d seen Jason on stage before and was always captured by what I consider a Broadway-theater presence. His voice and the animation of his movement are far different from the “B-more attitude” that I tap into on stage. And, yet, we were pitted against one another. At the end of the night, with a tie-breaker round, we both still came out with perfect scores, but, by a slight point-something advantage, I was announced the winner.

To view the entire article, click the link below:

http://www.etmmagazine.info/Editorials/2010/articles/04/lyrically18.html